Morbid Thoughts
by Seak
Summary: Harry and his morbid thoughts... he should be careful with them as they just might come true. One Shot


**Note: **Another One Shot from me this time being Harry Potter, an odd little piece I know but I like it anyway. It takes place after The Order of Phoenix. I hope you like it and please review and tell me what you think of it.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter or associated characters, all rights and ownerships belong to their respective owners.

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Morbid Thoughts

**(One Shot)**

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His feet pounded against the hard cement ground, he passed shadowed trees and glowing lamps lining along the empty dark road. He could hear the sound of his loud, labored breathing, the desperate need for air causing his lungs to burn in starvation. His limps screamed in agony with each step he took, fire ran through his thighs and shoulders but his stubbornness prevented him from stopping. 

His foot clipped against an uneven pavement and he tumbled, falling harshly to the icy, hard ground. He lay there unmoving, his tired body trembling as the cool night air brushed against his sweat soaked skin.

Determination lined on his very features and he slowly stood up, dusting his scrapped hands against his baggy jeans and ignoring the specs of blood that appeared. His knees stung and his body ached in pain but they were meaningless to him. He was determined, determined to ride out his anger, pain and hatred until he could barely move. It was then that he could sleep, a dark and empty sleep filled with nothingness, the mind too tired to conjure up dreams and nightmares to torment him through the night.

He was not tired _yet_, not tired _enough_ for him to fall into the sleepless slumber that he so needed. So he once again ran, his sluggish limps protesting against the swift movements needed for the jog and again he tripped, slamming harder to the cemented earth then before.

"Harry!" A familiar voice cried out as the sounds of rapidly approaching feet were heard.

Harry-teenaged-wizard-and-prophesied-to-be-a-victim-or-a-murderer-in-the-near-future angrily shook off their helping hands. "Get your hands off of me!" He snapped and slowly pulled himself up. "I don't need your help!" He panted, swiping the sweat from his forehead and glared furiously at Tonks who stood worriedly in front of him.

"Har-" She started.

"No!" He shouted, "Leave me alone! Can't you understand that? I want to be alone!"

He knew that they were watching and guarding him but that didn't mean that he wanted to spend the rest of the summer with them. He wanted to forget that the Wizardry world had ever existed and the only way to do that was to immerse him self into the non-magical one. Even living with his Uncle and Aunt was better then returning to the hell that governed his Wizardry life.

The Order of Phoenix, he thought bitterly, what were they doing but protecting him? Him who is prophesized to kill Voldemort? He who was their best chance at winning the up coming war?

_What a load of bullshit_.

Where are the adults when you need them? Why can't they handle the responsibilities and leave him to the normal life of a teenager? Because their WEAK! His mind screamed. Why can't they say Voldemort's name without flinching? Why can't they stand up and fight? Why do they depend on a child to fight their battles when they themselves are the adults in this situation? _Why does a child have to fight a war?_ _Why does a child have to kill? _

That's what it all came down to, wasn't it? He had to kill - he had to become one of _them_ - _Death Eaters, Voldemort_ - to save the Wizardry world.

And he was being a moron, blaming his problems on other people since he made it difficult for adults to take care of him, he never actually followed the rules to begin with unless it suited him, it was his fault for playing the hero and his fault for getting Sirius killed. It was his _fault_.

He was so confused, a part of him blamed them and another part blamed himself.

"I'm sorry Tonks," He muttered too weary to do anything else. "I just need to be alone right now."

"Its al'right Harry, we know you need your space. Just… take care al'right?" Tonks said concerned, her bright neon green hair seemingly glowing in the night like those glow-in-the-dark-stickers.

Harry nodded tiredly and slowly trudged back towards his nightmare family, with their constant putdowns and overall oppressive nature. He wished he was at the Barrow with the Weasleys, they at least made him feel welcomed and a part of the family.

He slowly raised his hand to his head and closed his eyes, one minute he hated the Wizardry world and the next he missed them, make up your mind idiot, he told himself. He just didn't know anymore, the confusion and uncertainty was killing him.

He let himself into the house quietly, knowing that the Dursleys were watching television and didn't care where he was as long as he was out of their sight. They preferred to pretend that he didn't exist and he liked it that way.

He made it to his room without the Durselys noticing and fell on top of his bed too tired to shower and change. Tomorrow he thought drowsily, his eyelids already closing, tomorrow.

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Harry opened his eyes and blinked, he felt grubby, uncomfortable and his entire body felt as if someone had slammed a sledge hammer into it. He shifted into a sitting position and jerked as something poked him in the eye, his hand immediately falling to his face where his glasses somehow hung from one ear. He moaned, tumbling off his bed and stood up, groaning at the aches that had settled into his muscles. 

It has been like this for the entire week since he had been back from Hogwarts and he secretly knew that what he was doing to himself wasn't so good for his body especially with his lack of eating. It was difficult for him to eat and swallow, the food never going down properly like it should and stayed stuck in his throat and perhaps his eyes would burn with the pain but he never acknowledge it.

Just another day, another bright day that mocked him with its perfect shinning weather. He tumbled towards the bathroom to relieve himself and once finished found himself staring at his image in the mirror, there was no voice calling him names, fix his messy hair or do something about his rounded and geek like glasses.

Silence had never been his friend, he realized and his image was his enemy.

He turned away disgusted with himself and trudged back to his bedroom, falling onto his un-kept bed and staring at nothing.

You moronic prick, he told himself, stop feeling sorry for yourself and get a grip!

His body didn't respond.

He turned over and stared at the wall instead.

A knock sounded at his bedroom door.

He ignored it.

"Harry dear," Aunt Petunia's voice called ever so sweet and nice.

He secretly admitted that her voice had him trembling in horror, it was not made to sound that way and only made him think very suspicious thoughts. Like the woman had an axe hidden behind her back and was luring him into the hallway to chop him up into little bits.

"Yes _Auntie_," Harry replied in a tone dripped with syrup and twisting himself around so that he was staring at the door instead of the not-so-interesting-wall.

"We're leaving _dear_, please help yourself to the _food_ in the fridge and take care of yourself," she almost sang in that horrific sugar sweet voice.

Harry gagged knowing that her face was properly scrunched up like she had swallowed a lemon and somehow gotten constipated on it instead.

"Oh I will _Auntie_, I _promise_ I'll _eat_ whatever is in the _fridge_ even that _lovely delicious_ _chocolate_ _pie_ that you made last night!" He happily chirped.

"Why you little…" she growled before her voice once again became _nice_. _Twitter, twitter, "Of course dear…have whatever pleases you but please remember to leave some for Dudley it was after-all a small surprise for him after winning the Junior State Boxing Championships" _Her words soaked in honey with bees buzzing in the background, the grinding need to kill the boy who would dare steal something that was meant for her little Dudley had her scrunching up her fists and glaring at the firmly closed door.

Harry grinned, this being the most fun he had in weeks and stretched leisurely, "Of course Auntie, I'll be sure to leave a piece for Dudley." He stated innocently, reminding himself to eat the entire pie and leave the crumbs behind for Dudley to lap it up like the pig he was.

The sound of her leaving had him grinning, as he knew how much she had wanted to storm into his room and screech at him. After a while he could hear the car leave the driveway and then they were gone for the day.

He rolled out of bed and for the first time in weeks he found himself a little lighter then before. It probably had something to do with deliberately infuriating his hag of an aunt but all in all he considered it a suddenly prefect day.

He walked towards the kitchen and straight to the fridge where he knew the pie was kept. A fork in hand, he proceeded to gorge himself on chocolate pie, quite content to eat it all but knowing that he had agreed, he left a tiny thin slice of pie left over for Dudley. (It wasn't considered a slice at all since it was as thin as a sheet of paper)

It was then that it occurred to him that he had never been so hungry before and immediately began digging in the fridge for more food. And as he chomped and gobbled food, he began to think that maybe he _could_ survive until he went to the Barrow.

And then it would just be another day in the Adventures of Harry Potter, he thought cynically, gods he hoped that no one was going to do a biography of his life as the only way he would allow it, was if he was dead.

He laughed almost choking on his food at his morbid thoughts.

_Yeah right as if that was ever going to happen_.

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_End_


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